For english errors in anything on my blog, sorry. My english sucks. 

I dont understand my parents. Seriously. Yesterday, they were just watching the damned soapy drama and chatting over it. When I slept, I still can hear them talking. Today, they were fighting. Dad's crazy anger plus Mum's never-admit-I'm-wrong mode. What the heck? Like, cant any of them shut up and admit mistake? Even though bro not here irritate me, its gotten a little better, but you two quarreling can make me unable to eat my dinner in peace. And plus today my moods went haywired. So, cant you two just practice some very good relationships and be my 'role-model'? Plus Mum's voice when she thinks you did something wrong, but you didnt; is so accusing, and when you tell her that she is accusing you, she scolds you back like crazily. Never-admit-I'm-wrong mode. But it seems that she dont use this on bro. Wow. :/

3 years ago. When ahgong closed his eyes. He's not happy. He looked so sad, like he got so many unfinished things. Yeah, he havent see me graduate secondary school, not even primary school. He havent see me walk out of this house with pride, and bring him out shopping. He havent sang finished his 天黑黑 song for me. And all everyone did was to wail and cry. I'm not saying that thats wrong. This is what I think only. I'm selfish, I am. And then thinking that 1 month before he left, you all were discussing which old folks' home to send him to. Fuck yourself idiots. Fuck yourself. Yah whatever, I'm immature, I dont know you adult things. But I know when ahmah died it was almost the same case. I told you two not to send him there, you just told me to shut up. Fine. Adults. Adults. Then, 2 weeks ago, you two were fighting over whether to sell or buy ahgong's house. Dad say sell. Mum say buy, and we move in. I love that house. Thats where I always went and talked to ahgong, where I'll eat the cakes he bought me, where I played my afternoon away. But no point fighting till this. 人在做，天在看. Now I know I'm dumb. I didnt do what I was supposed to when ahgong's still here. And neither do you two, because before he went, you fought, you quarreled infront of him; and now, same case. Not trying to be expert. I miss ahgong, I miss the first and the best birthday present he bought me. Not some furry teddy bear, not a very sexy barbie doll, but a red monster truck. Mentioning this red monster truck, feel like crying. It's passed on to my cousin. My dad insisted. I hate you dad, I hate you. Its not the present suitable for a girl right? Ahgong must have seen me as a tomboy who has a character like a monster. Yeah ahgong, your granddaughter's really a monster. A very evil one. Evil till I dont know what to do. Shine your light on me. Even though I'm a monster truck, its good too. I can do whatever I aspire to. But I'm still not awake, wasting my years away. I still can see how you walked through the living room to the kitchen; 6 years ago, walking steadily; 5 years ago, limping; 4 years ago, gaining support from a crutch. You've been my torchlight these 2 years. Thankyou. This thankyou, which was said too late.
I'm problematic. Very problematic. ):


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